WHAT Is In Your Yard?

yard erection, pipehenge, new lawn decor,

There’s no danger my yard ornaments will start a trend. They’re pretty far from the house, unintentional, and until recently were nicely overgrown (as yard ornamentation tends to be around here). Still, the occasional guest squints and asks, “WHAT is in your yard?” I have to admit, “Sewer pipes.”

They’ve been here so long I can’t recall exactly where they came from (probably a repressed memory) but my husband got them for free. What a deal huh? I should have rethought my whole Be Agreeable approach to marital happiness years ago when he brought home an antique fire truck, something he agreed to store for a friend. It sat in our front yard for years.

Originally the pipes were part of our bridge overhaul project. The bridge was quickly repaired but we ended up with leftover pipes, so there they sit. We’ve offered them (for free!) to other people but even those who seem interested apparently go home to family members who shriek in horror, leaving us with sewer pipe yard décor.

I’ve proposed upgrade ideas for these pipes.

  • Cut them in slices and use them as planters to grow strawberries or herbs.
  • Cut turrets along the tops and windows in the sides to make a play castle.
  • Cut them into body and legs I can mosaic into a giant creature.

The downfall of these ideas is the word “cut.” Apparently this requires a special saw with super expensive tips or blades, plus days of bone-wearying effort. Probably not something I’ll insist on due to my silly Be Agreeable approach. (My family might insist they haven’t noticed I’m all that agreeable.)

I haven’t spent much time thinking about the sewer pipes, until yesterday when one of my offspring gleefully tested the powers of our tractor’s front end loader by upending the formerly horozontal pipes. I didn’t expect what I saw when I looked out the window. Yard erections. Pipehenge. Sewer monoliths.

Of course we’re having company tomorrow. I’m guessing they’ll walk in, ignore the flowers on the table and the dinner on the counter, distracted by something out our big back window, asking, “WHAT is in your yard?”

Maybe I’ll act like sewer pipes are the next big trend. Although come to think of it, the fire engine thing never caught on either.

About Laura Grace Weldon

Laura Grace Weldon is the author of four books and served as 2019 Ohio Poet of the Year. She's the editor of Braided Way: Faces & Voices of Spiritual Practice. She works as a book editor, teaches writing workshops, and maxes out her library card each week.
This entry was posted in rural life, sarcasm, update and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to WHAT Is In Your Yard?

  1. My daughter tells me I’m wrong, these are not sewer pipes, they’re culvert pipes. I was wrong.

  2. My husband tells me I’m wrong, they weren’t free, the pipes we used in the bridge repair project were free. THESE were the pipes dug out of our creek from our failed bridge. I was wrong.

  3. I made dinner for our company tonight and texted “dinner’s in the oven” when they were late. Turns out they aren’t scheduled to come for dinner until NEXT week. I was wrong. Apparently I’ve lost my mind and can’t find it anywhere.

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